dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
