my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
