is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
