my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
