hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
