woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
