I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
