i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
