I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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