I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
