After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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