I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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