Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
