im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
