Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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