I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
