mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
