if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
