if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
