just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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