i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
