Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
