You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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