how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
