Umm I'm too high to move.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
