I seem to have left my pride at pride
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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