hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
