Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
