and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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