I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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