So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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