so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Say something about gay babies.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
