"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
