I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
