Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So apparently I’m into choking now
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