found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
