the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
