why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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