Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
