Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
