so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
