I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
