Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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