He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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