so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
