Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
