help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
