he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
