K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
