I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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